Things that Seemed Chic in Childhood that are Questionable Now

Is this a series? I'm not sure.

Happy Tuesday, Consumers.

I’m writing with a question percolating in my mind: does every child find some strange things to exalt the pinnacle of luxury that turn out to be quite normal when you’ve grown up? I’m consumed with those specific items, so now I’m sharing them with you… and of course, want your input on this list.

1. After Eights. Andes Mints are objectively tastier but the British brand association of After Eight along with their extravagant ads made me think this was a treat for royalty. The concept of an ‘after dinner chocolate mint’ felt very chic to me in general: I savored them after visits to Olive Garden, where they have a custom flavor of Andes Mints manufactured just for them, with just a slightly different ratio of mint to chocolate than the typical one.

   This After Eight ad from 1999 is chock-full of the same energy of AI-generated images people are making for no apparent reason — here we have Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, Stephen Fry, Naomi Campbell, Albert Einstein and some other famous people I don’t recognizing sharing these treats while Liberace plays piano for them. Bring back ridiculous advertising for average grocery store prodcuts!

2. Orangina. Consumers with a tie to France or a Francophone country, I need to know the brand perception of this drink in your community! Because to me, this was the epitome of class. It could’ve been the fact that it was a fizzy drink that wasn’t soda or that it was a ‘treat’ we would have from time to time and it felt like a very adult thing to be drinking carbonated water with orange juice and zest in it. I haven’t had one in years, so I’ll need to taste-test and see how it holds up alongside the dozens of fruity fizzy drinks on the market now.

   

   c’est chic

3. Ice Cream Novelties, specifically Neapolitan Ice Cream and the Viennetta. Neapolitan ice cream felt like the most groundbreaking invention to me as a child. Combining three incredible flavors? In one? Allowing me to mix them, let them get melty, or choose to go my own way? Maybe it was the illusion of choice under capitalism that Neapolitan offered that felt like a semblance of freedom (I’m joking but I could write a TED Talk on this).

   The original flavors of Neapolitan were pistachio, vanilla, and cherry, to resemble the Italian flag - the combo of strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate came about as they were the most popular in the states at the time. I’d love to see an ice cream brand churn out a seasonal Neapolitan with some creativity: give me a kulfi-themed one with saffron, rose, and pistachio ice cream. Or a fruits of the summer one with mango, frutti di bosco, and sweet cream? Perhaps a lemon cream (Crema Antica - Nicolette of

   Loose Leaf Tea
   put me onto this flavor years ago and I’ve never looked back) with raspberry and a buttery shortbread crust flavor?

   Relatedly, childhood Roya was a victim of advertising, because I thought the Viennetta was the nicest thing money could buy. It cost ~$4 back then and came in a cardboard box, but it felt elite. It returned to supermarkets a few years back and it wasn’t as good as I remembered — there was barely any texture in the middle and I imagined more of an icebox cake than an oblong rectangle of product that’s legally described as ‘frozen dairy dessert’ because it doesn’t quite have the makings of ice cream.

4. Khaki’s. I blame this 1998 Gap commercial for making me think adulthood entailed swing dancing in khakis. I haven’t gone swing dancing and I’ve never owned a pair of khakis, but I thought that I’d reach some magical adult age where they became my uniform. I’m glad they didn’t, no shade to khaki’s — it’s actually their distinct shade that makes them uniquely unflattering on me.

   This is my starting point of from chic to cheap… What’s on your list?