Things That Make Me Feel Old: Part 1 of...

Infinity?

G’day Consumers! I was at a loss for what to write for the mid-week newsletter when inspiration stuck on a hot tube ride down to London Bridge.

There is something about this decade of my life (my thirties) where I feel constantly reminded of my age. Sometimes, it feels blissful, e.g. I’m in my THIRTIES! I’ve been around for three decades! I know who I am and I know what I want! Other times, it feels like: I’ve been around for three decades, how do I not yet know what I want and why is the process of becoming myself so layered and cumbersome? How am I now acutely aware of muscles and bones that I was completely ignorant to before? I want my parents to tuck me in for a unhealthily long nap.

Anyway… Aging is a gift, I know this to be true, and I share the Mary Oliver aphorism above as much as a reminder to myself as to all of you.

With that unintentional rhyme and all of this in mind, here are a list of things consuming me and making me feel old — less so in the sage wisdom sort of way, more so my hips crack when I stand up way:

1. I’ve now inherited my parents’s knack for seeing an advertisement for something and immediately thinking, ‘that is so impractical.’ I used to think my Mom was being critical for doing this, but no, she was just right. The ad might be for a strange kitchen gadget, something on TikTok Shop to ‘optimize’ your life, or the increasingly popular sort of organizational ‘hack’ trying to sell us order in an increasingly chaotic world, e.g. a special hanger that will allow you to hang a top and pants in one or some sort of spice rack with matching jars situation that prioritizes form over function.

   I now have a gut reaction to knowing what does and doesn’t work in practice, and a sense of the tidyness / ‘get your shit together’ capitalism complex. It feels good to say no to all of that — and I won’t rain on your parade if that’s something you tend to enjoy! Also, to be clear, this isn’t a list of complaints about aging: I love the little cynic that has sprouted up within me! She is a savvy shopper. She is the product of a child who absolutely loved reading her Dad’s Consumer Reports magazines — she is New York Mag’s Strategist.

2. The number of streaming platforms online. The mere mention of the word ‘Fubo’ reminds me of this meme:

   

   Dude, it’s on Gumpy.

   There are so many streamers! I can’t possibly keep up. FreeVee, Tubi, Quibi… some still exist, others don’t, every which one has a vowel filled name and it’s overwhelming. It makes me hyper aware that I am losing the race of keeping up with technology — which all of us are, but it doesn’t need to feel like a silly slap in the face. The seemingly limitless number of providers offering something similar isn’t just a thing for streaming platforms, it’s where we are in late-stage capitalism. Are we at peak ‘brand’? Infinite options for infinite things but what actually serves us well? The answer to that: systems + institutions that support us as humans, policy changes, community care, and a transformation of systems in power, moving away from prioritizing profits towards prioritizing people.

3. Needing a walk to digest after an indulgent meal / the concept of indulgent meals in the first place. I thought I had a sweet tooth that knew no bounds or opponents until I went to Ballymaloe House in Ireland and helped myself to nearly everything on the dessert trolley. It was bites of some things, heaping scoops of others — cakes and puddings and trifles. I was in cookery heaven! I had to. Well, I woke up at 4am the next morning with a racing heart, something I’ve experienced after having too many drinks the night prior… I was having a sugar hangover. I got out of bed at 5am and spent two hours alone walking the grounds, looking at sheep and chickens, wondering how to beat this haze. My mind was adrift, my anxiety was peaking, and it was all from overindulging! Relatedly, I feel spiritually called to walk after a meal that feels indulgent, like I need to kick-start the digestion process or just move things around. I like this practice but I’m acutely aware it feels like an old thing to do.

4. Taxes. Specifically, waiting very late in the game to do them. I remember being very little watching my Dad stress over taxes every April, asking him ‘Why don’t you do them earlier? Why don’t you have all the documents you need?’ Shame on little Roya for asking a working father of three, a pediatrician and a professor, truly a force for good in the community, about this! How annoying. I now fully understand why people don’t do them earlier, why no one seems to have all the documents they need, why it is an incredibly stressful and frustrating process. I am keenly aware of this. Relatedly, I need to shout out Colin as my life partner as well as my uCPA, uncertified personal accountant, who has dutifully supported me through the past few tax seasons as I wither every time it rolls around.

5. Watching this music video:

The song is timeless, the video is iconic, and this moment in pop culture was the inception of an entire musical movement. I watched it so many times when it came out, in awe of this performer, and while I still feel that awe of her power + talent, it’s now partially because she was just a kid! She was 16 when she filmed this and when the song was released, 17 when it hit number one. The schoolgirl outfit and school theme was allegedly her idea, but there’s the feeling of being on the outside looking in watching this now — was Britney in on the whole thing? What did and didn’t she grasp in this moment that thrust her into superstardom?

I feel this way about many pop stars and musical acts now (they all seem so young because they are so young!). What is it like to be at your pinnacle at such a small age, at the precipice of when life really truly begins?

As an aside: I am fascinated by the Swedish producers who were (and still are!) the architects of so much of the popular music of the past few decades. Truly, I would write a book on this topic and these lesser-known power players. Things that consume me on this: Why was music production so successful in Sweden specifically? What was going through their musical ether at that time — who were their influences and inspirations? What was it like bringing 16 year old Britney to Stockholm and recording her debut album? What were all the linguistic differences that went over listeners heads + didn’t really matter anyway, e.g. ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’ is not literal, it’s imploring an ex to call them again which didn’t translate to English, or how ‘I Want It That Way’ is incredibly confusing lyrically? How did it feel to be orchestrating the music that moved people around the world from a relatively small nation? What artist or songs did they fumble the bag on when they thought they had a sure-fire hit?

What makes you feel old?

See you Friday.