I’ve had a version of this newsletter sitting in the Notes app on my phone for over a year, but it is highly incoherent and embarrassing. In the spirit of Consumed and in place of today’s Friday Five, I’m sharing five moments in music that have consumed way too much of my brain space throughout the course of my life.
“Dirrty” - Christina Aguilera (2002)
We’re starting out with a bang here. Many elements of this song are deserving of essays, but there’s one line in Redman’s verse that STILL confuses me. He opens his verse with this zinger: “I keep my car looking like a crash dummy drove.” What does this mean? Why is he saying it so confidently? Is he a bad driver? If we saw his car, would it be totaled? Why would this be something to brag about, let alone include in a Top 40 song? In Redman’s defense he redeems himself later in the verse with this zinger: “I'm waiting for sister to act like Lauryn Hill.” Joyful, joyful…
“Are You That Somebody?” - Aaliyah (1998)
Before we get into it, you should know that iconic, Grammy-nominated song was created specifically for the Dr. Dolittle soundtrack. Absolutely nothing about this song screams “Eddie Murphy can speak to animals,” and I love that Timbaland felt Aaliyah singing about a late night rendezvous was appropriate for a children’s film. Coincidentally, the part of the song that consumes me is the laughter and cry of an anonymous child repeated throughout the track. Who is this baby? Where are they now? Are they making royalties off the use of their delightful coo? How many of you have tried to mimic that baby while singing this song and embarrassed yourself? On a sleepless night, I googled ‘who is the baby in “Are You That Somebody”’ and thankfully music writer Jeremy D. Larson did some investigative journalism on this pressing topic. Jeremy’s article is worth reading so I won’t give the ending away, but my hope is for someone to interview Timbaland’s thought process behind sampling an infant. I just need to know every detail here.
“Remember the Time” - Michael Jackson (1991)
MJ’s ad-libs have always been unique and memorable (think about “Shamone” in “Bad,” which was something he picked up from Mavis Staples), but there’s one very distinct phrase in “Remember the Time” that is constantly in my head. As Jackson strolls down memory lane with the Queen of Egypt — mind you, in front of her husband, the Pharaoh — he lets out an inexplicable expression. “Brr DOT DOT DOT… Brr DOT DOT.” If you need your memory refreshed, just scroll on over to 6:44 below to hear it yourself. What kind of ad-lib is this? Does it mean anything? Is he imitating an ancient Egyptian instrument we’ve never heard? Is this considered beatboxing? Is this meant to sound like a drum? Did he do this on accident in the studio and the producers said “we need more of that, Michael”? Haunting, truly.
“34+35” - Ariana Grande (2020)
I’m going to limit my commentary on this NSFW song, but there’s one line that lingers in my brain. In the third verse, Ari bravely confesses to the world, “I’ve been drinkin’ coffee.” That line makes me laugh every time I hear it. Whose idea was this? Is this an attempt at relatability? Did she write this line? Is she drinking coffee because she can’t stay awake? Judging by the rest of this song, it already seems like she has high energy. Even if she’s drinking it, why is she mentioning it in this context? There are more questions than answers here…
“My Whole Life Has Changed” “Differences” - Ginuwine
Our final moment in music isn’t quite a moment, but rather a song title choice. DMV hometown sweetie Ginuwine wrote an impeccable early 2000s love song with an infectiously catchy hook. One would assume such a hook would be the song title: My Whole Life Has Changed. Instead, someone thought “Differences” made more sense. The word “differences” is not used once in the song. “Difference” is mentioned once in a fleeting backup vocal: “You made a difference in my life.” I skipped over this song in playlists for a few years assuming I just didn’t know it because of this title!!!! And if you search Spotify for “My Whole Life Has Changed,” the song comes up!!!! That phrase is uttered roughly nine times in the song! I would even accept “That Special One” or “Made My Life Complete” as alternate titles here, but “Differences” feels egregious. This is like *NSYNC calling “Bye Bye Bye” “Tough,” which is sang just once in a backing vocal. It doesn’t make any sense. I’m ready to start the change.org petition to update the song title accordingly.
If this brought you any joy or relief, share it with a friend, leave a comment, or reach out to me directly. I have at least another five musical moments to spiral about with y’all.
Brr dot dot dot,
Roya